Not Again
by AHennin9
Summary: Casey McDonald is about to star in her first Broadway show, Beauty and The Beast, in New York City. Her life, however, isn't going as planned with her growing drinking problem as she tries to get over the guy who broke her heart. Derek Venturi has been signed to play on the New York Rangers hockey team. What will it take for Casey to move on? Dasey. Told from Casey's POV.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hi everyone! Alexis here! I love LWD and Dasey so much. I hope you guys like this story. The next chapter will be much longer. I was just trying to get a feel for the story! PLEASE REVIEW, FAV, and FOLLOW!**_

"Yes, Mom. I'm fine," I sighed into the phone, hoping she would hear my exasperation and end the conversation quickly. Unfortunately, my prayers were not answered.

She fretted, "Casey, I'm just worried about you. We barely hear from you. You haven't been home since last Christmas."

"Mom, I said that I'm fine. Being here is hard work. You know that, so please don't worry too much." I begged, tapping my pen anxiously on my counter.

"Okay, honey. It's just that, since you and Derek left, we've been lonely around here," She responded as if she was about to cry.

I tried not to cringe at the sound of his name, "I know. I'll be home soon. I gotta go, Mom. Love you."

I hung up without giving her a chance to make me stay on the phone any longer. I set the phone on the counter, trying not to picture him. It didn't work, though. His chocolate eyes flooded into my brain, and the sting in my heart made me gasp. I tried not to think about it as I grabbed my purse off the kitchen table and walked out the door. The New York October air was bitter and cold. The wind bit at my cheeks as I made my way down the sidewalk. My scarf blew behind me as I made my way to the coffee shop around the corner. I stood in line with the memory of his face still burned into my mind. I almost didn't hear the barista ask for my order. I told her quickly and watched her make it. I didn't notice my hands shaking until I reached for the cup. It hadn't been this hard over the last year because I had so much work that thinking about him wasn't even a possibility. The show was just weeks away from starting, and now, of all times, the memories were hitting me. The memories, that I had spent the last year trying to forget, kept barging in at the most inopportune moments.

"Are you Casey McDonald?" Someone asked from behind me.

I put on a fake smile and spun around, "Yes! Hi!"

A young girl, around thirteen, stood behind me, smiling, "You're gonna play Belle? In the Broadway show?"

"Yeah! Are you a fan of musicals?"

"Yes," She nodded, viciously, "I'm in all the plays at my school!"

I smiled. She reminded me of myself at that age, "Keep working hard, and you'll make it."

"Really?" She asked, her eyes lighting up.

"Definitely."

With that, I scooted around her and towards the door. I looked back and saw the smile on her face. I smiled sadly again. If only I could be that naïve again. The look on her face reminded me of the way I used to see the world. It reminded me of before I had gotten my heart broken. I silently hoped that she never got her heart broken. At least, not by a boy with chocolate brown eyes and a smirk that sent Jesus running back to Heaven. I stepped back out into the cold air and made my way toward the dance studio we were practicing in that afternoon. I hoped that the exercise would help push the memories from my head.

"Casey, darling!" Our choreographer and my dearest friend in the production, Marvin, yelled as I pushed through the doors. "I was worried you'd gotten lost."

I laughed, "Nope, I only stopped for coffee. The line was long, though."

"Of course," Marvin smiled, "But now it's time to get down to business. We have two weeks until opening night."

I nodded and changed into my dancing shoes as he addressed the rest of the cast members. I watched as he drifted around the room smiling at everyone. It made my heart happy to see how much kindness one man could have. It almost reminded me of Derek, again. I didn't let it though as I took my place in the middle of the room.

"Alright, everyone! Let's do 'Belle', from the top. This one needs the most perfecting. Michael, you can sit this one out." Marvin explained, smiling at us.

Michael was the Broadway actor portraying The Beast. He was one of the sweetest guys that I had met since I moved to New York after landing the audition. He was constantly sweet to me, although I turned down his invitations to dinner almost every day. He was the exact opposite of Derek. He had pretty blue eyes that reminded me of the ocean. His hair was a sandy blonde that fell in his eyes slightly. He was a very attractive guy, and sometimes, I couldn't understand why I didn't just go out with him. Then, I remembered the last time I loved someone, and that that didn't turn out well for me. He noticed me looking at him and shot me a smile. I smirked back as the dance began. The practice lasted almost two hours. By the end, I was sweating and exhausted. I sat down on the floor, catching my breath as Marvin addressed the cast once again.

"Great work today everyone! I'll see you all back here tomorrow morning!" He said, excitedly.

I waved at him as I quickly walked out the door. He put up a hand, signaling me to wait, but I was already going to be late for my costume fitting. I rushed out the door, but the sound of my phone beeping stopped me in my tracks. I dug my phone out of my purse, and immediately my stomach sank. I had missed five calls from my mother and two from George. I called her back, quickly.

"Mom! Is everything okay?" I asked when she answered, my heart pounded. Half of me hoped Derek had been in some hideous accident, and the other part of me prayed that he hadn't.

"Yes! Yes! I just have some exciting news!" She laughed, happily. My breathing slowed as I waited for her to continue. "Derek got signed to the New York Rangers!"

I didn't even feel the phone fall out of my hand as I slipped down the wall outside of the studio. I could hear my mom calling my name and asking if I was alright. My line of vision became blurry as tears rushed down my cheeks. My chest started to move rapidly as my heart pounded at my rib cage. She kept calling my name until she finally hung up. My hands were shaking so violently that I couldn't even grab my phone off the floor. My stomach was churned, and I immediately felt like I was going to throw up. I had tried so hard to stay away from him. I had done everything I could to get out of Canada. I moved to another country to ensure that I never had to see Derek Venturi again. Unfortunately, apparently, moving countries wouldn't stop him from being in the same city as me for very long. I sat there for a while as people moved all around me until my world stopped spinning. Derek Venturi was coming back into my life, and nothing terrified me more.


	2. Chapter 2

I forced my way through the costume fitting, accepting the designer, Lucinda, scolding me on my lateness. The rest of the afternoon went by in a blur of dresses and corsets as Lucinda fitted each of the dresses, complaining about my weight loss. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she had asked me to lose weight at our last fitting. When she was finally done, she dismissed me quickly and ushered Michael in. I tried to avoid his eyes, knowing that he would be able to see the pain in them. He called my name, but I only waved my hand and rushed out of the room. I knew that I shouldn't have been so cold, but I didn't want anyone asking questions. Not yet, anyway. I knew that when Derek arrived in New York there would be a lot of questions that needed answers. I knew that he would show up, asking why I stopped answering his calls. Asking why I disappeared. He knew, though. He had too.

Against my will, I flashed back to last Christmas.

 _"Casey, can I talk to you?" He asked, his eyes filled with guilt._

 _I looked up, meeting his eyes. "Derek, there's nothing left to talk about. It's done. You did this. Don't try to take it back now."_

 _He put his face in his hands, "I love you."_

 _"You don't destroy people you love."_

When I realized that I was standing in the small hallway by the door of Lucinda's studio tears streaming down my face, I was embarrassed. I wished so helplessly that I could stop the pain. I knew that there were ways, but I had promised myself the week before that I didn't need to do that anymore. I looked down at my shaking hands and gave in to my guilty pleasure. I pushed my way out onto the street and headed straight for the liquor store near my apartment building. I needed the alcohol to blur my mind state. Terrified of being alone with my thoughts, I barged through the double doors and headed straight for the tequila aisle. I grabbed two bottles and brought them to the cash register.

The cashier recognized me, "Ah, Miss McDonald, it's been a few days."

I smiled slightly, wanting to avoid the small talk. He seemed to take the hint and finished ringing me up quickly. He wished me a fun filled evening, and I raced across the street to my apartment. I had already began to rip the top off the bottle before I even unlocked the door. I rushed to the cabinet and pulled down a cup, anxiously spilling the liquid inside. The memories subsided as the burning sensation hit my throat. I licked my lips, wanting to taste every drop. I grinned as my hands stopped shaking for the first time that day. I poured glass after glass until the first bottle had been emptied into my stomach. The blurred room spun, but the memories were gone. I was finally in peace. No more Derek. I passed out on the kitchen floor, the glass still in my hand.

When I woke up the next morning, my head pounded from the sunlight. I stared at the glass in my hand, hating myself for what I had done. I looked at the empty bottle laying on the counter and sighed in disgust with myself. I'd tried so hard to stay away from the alcohol. I knew it was a game though. I would tell myself I didn't need it, but then I would come running back as soon as thoughts of Derek rushed my minds. I picked myself up off the floor, wiping the drool from the corner of my mouth. I threw the bottle in the trash and set my glass in the sink on my way to the bathroom. I stumbled to the medicine cabinet searching for any type of relief. I grabbed the Advil and downed four pills. I glanced nervously at the clock on the wall, praying that I wasn't late. Fortunately for me, I still had a good hour to get ready. I stepped into the shower, shedding the clothes that I had worn the day before. I let the water pour over me as my hands started to shake again. I pleaded with my body to remain calm. Derek wasn't going to be in the city until the following day. I still had time to figure out what to do next. My hands relaxed slightly at the thought.

I made my way through our dance routines half-heartedly. I was especially excited when Marvin told me that I wasn't needed for the second half of practice. I sincerely thought about going home to the second bottle of tequila, but I stopped myself. I just didn't a distraction. I watched Michael head out the doors ahead of me, and I raced after him.

"Michael! Wait!" I called out as he spun around.

He smiled, warmly, "Casey, how are you?"

"I'm good," I lied easily before continuing, "What are you doing right now?"

"I was just about to grab some lunch. Do you wanna come?"

"I'd love that!" I nodded enthusiastically.

I noted his shocked expression and worried for a moment that he had only invited me to be polite. I considered the possibility that he was just trying to be a nice guy. It made my heart sink, but he changed my mind as he reached for my hand. I almost stopped myself from letting mine slip into his, but I didn't. I needed this distraction. Michael led me out the door and toward a small car parked on the street.

"You drive in this city?" I laughed, shocked.

He smiled, "I don't live in the city, Casey. I live in Queens."

"Oh," I blushed, embarrassed by my assumption.

"Don't worry," He grinned, "Everyone assumes the same thing."

He pulled open the car door for me, and I blushed even harder. Derek had never opened the door for me, let alone taken me out to lunch. I, for the second time that day, pushed his smirk out of my mind. I listened to Michael talk about the show as he drove us to his undisclosed lunch destination. I prayed they served alcohol, and then hated myself for wishing that again.

"You haven't heard a word I've said," He noted as we pulled up to a fancy Italian bistro.

I sighed, embarrassed, "I'm sorry, Michael. I just have a lot on my mind. Thank you so much for bringing me. I needed to get out of the house. I promise that I'm all ears over lunch."

"You have yourself a deal," He smiled as he led us into the restaurant.

We laughed and chatted for almost two hours before I realized how much time had gone by. I gasped when I saw the time.

"We've been here for so long." I giggled, putting my phone down.

Michael shrugged, "Is that a bad thing?"

I shook my head, "Absolutely not. You're fascinating to talk to!"

"Am I?" He grinned, "Because before today, I couldn't get you to give me the time of day. Now, here you are."

I felt guilty for using him as a distraction, but I just continued to smile. The waiter brought us our check a few moments later.

"Hey, if you're feeling a little risky, we could grab a couple drinks at the bar," Michael suggested, reaching for the tab.

I felt my hands start to shake as I shook my head, "No, I really should be getting home. I need to practice a little more on my own. Thank you for the offer, though. You're very sweet."

"C'mon, Casey," He pleaded, his eyes dancing with laughter, "One drink isn't going to kill you."

I bit my lip, debating whether or not I should. I stayed silent for a few moments before agreeing. Unfortunately for me, one drink turned into five drinks. Before I knew it, Michael was putting me in a cab and giving me a slight kiss on the cheek. He told me that he hopped my day was better tomorrow. I started to breathe heavier, worried about what I may have told him in between drink four and five. As the taxi, pulled up in front of my apartment building, I felt my stomach churning. I barely hit the sidewalk before I started to throw up. The cab driver drove off in disgust as I stood on the side of the street, emptying the contents of my stomach. My eyes started to burn as I felt tears fill them. I wanted so desperately to be the old Casey, the good Casey. I wanted to be the Casey everyone loved again. Instead, here I was, at five o'clock in the afternoon, wasted. I stumbled up the stairs to my apartment and fumbled to push my key into the door. I felt the lock turn, and I fell into my apartment while the door gave way. I noticed an unfamiliar smell as I entered the apartment. It smelled like my mom's cooking. As I stumbled into the kitchen, I saw my mom standing with her hands on her hips in front of my stove.

"Casey?" She questioned as I looked at her in horror. I barely made it to the bathroom before vomiting once again.

I laid on the couch with a cool washcloth pressed against my forehead. My mom sat at my feet as I began to sober up. I could tell by the look on her face that she was disappointed and worried. I hated when my mother was either, so the fact that she was both had me on edge. I peeked at her, hoping I wouldn't meet her eyes. I heard her inhale as if she was about to speak, but then she didn't.

"Mom, look. I just had a few drinks with a friend. My stomach clearly didn't like that," I told her, trying to reassure her that everything was fine.

She looked at me sternly, "Really, Casey? Because I saw that bottle in your trashcan, and the other one is on the counter."

"I like to have a few drinks sometimes." I mumbled, "Come on, Mom. It's not a crime. I'm an adult!"

"Casey, please, "She begged, "Tell me what is going on with you. We haven't seen you in almost a year."

I sighed, "Mom! Everything is okay!"

"No, Casey!" She shouted, startling me as this was completely out of character for her, "Everything is clearly not fine! You need to tell me what is going on with you. I'm worried. George is worried. The kids are worried. Even, Derek is worried."

I snorted, "I'm sure he is."

"There you go with that attitude! Every time someone brings him up, you immediately shut down. I need you to be honest with me. Please, just tell me the truth."

I briefly considered confiding in her before changing my mind. Instead, I sighed exasperatedly, "I'm fine, Mom! The show is just putting a lot of stress on me. I was just trying to edge the nerves out."

My mom looked at me, her eyes narrowing, "I don't believe you, Casey. I can't believe that I'm saying this, but I don't trust you."

I looked at her in disbelief, "You what?"

"I don't believe you, Casey. Something else is going on here. You're not the Casey I know and love."

"You know what, Nora?" I shouted, my face getting hot once again. "I'm not the Casey you know and love. That Casey is gone. This is me. So, either get over it or get out of my apartment."

She looked at me, clearly taken aback, "Casey, you seem to have forgotten that George and I pay for this apartment."

"So?" I said, narrowing my eyes at her.

"Derek is moving in, Casey." She said, getting up and heading to the kitchen to attend to the dinner she was making.

My mouth dried up as I tried to swallow. Derek was going to be in my apartment with me. My hands started to shake, and I prayed that this whole thing was some drunken dream that I would awaken from. I tried to swallow again, but I couldn't. I felt the air catch in my throat as I tried to sit up. I couldn't. I just feel back down on the couch again. My eyes started to fill with tears again, as I remembered the day that the boy with the smirk broke my heart.

 _I laid in his bed, the covers tangled around me. I heard his shower start up as I smiled to myself. All those years of hating each other, and now, here we were. Basically living in each other's dorms at Queens. I could hear him singing one of his lame rock songs, but it still made me giggle. I glanced at my phone as I waited for him to come back. My mom had called three times and texted twice to remind me that dinner was at six. She was going crazy because she was cooking dinner for George's parents._

 _"Derek! Hurry up! We need to leave soon, and I haven't even showered," I called, reminding him of his lengthy shower for the millionth time._

 _He caught me off guard as he slid into bed beside me. I rolled over to face him, and he smiled at me._

 _"Always yelling at me for something," He teased as I kissed his neck._

 _I laughed, "Don't give me a reason to yell at you."_

 _I crawled out of bed and toward the shower. He watched me go longingly. I quickly shut the bathroom door and started the shower. The one good thing about dorm life was that there was always plenty of hot water. I showered quickly, running through a checklist of all the things that I needed to do before we headed home. I reached out to open the bathroom door, but I heard Derek talking. Worried that it was one of his hockey friends, I stayed inside the bathroom. Then, I heard a girl's laugh._

 _"I'm doing everything I can to get rid of her," He told the girl as she laughed._

 _The girl sighed, "Are you really? It just seems like you're spending more and more time with her. It's getting annoying. You said that the bet was only going to last for a couple of weeks. You said that your hockey friends told you that there was no way that you could get your hot step-sister into bed. You did. So, why isn't the bet over?"_

 _I felt the color drain from my face._

 _Derek stumbled over his word, "Look, Stella, I just need some time to think, okay? I'll call you soon."_

 _I heard the girl, Stella, stomp out of the room. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes, but I told myself to remain calm. I didn't want to give myself away to Derek just yet. I stepped out of the bathroom and looked at him as he laid on the bed._

 _He smiled at me, "You're so beautiful."_

 _"Thanks," I said, coldly. "I forgot to grab something from my dorm. I'll see you out front in a half hour."_

 _With that, I stormed out of the room. That was the day that my hands started to shake. That was the day I discovered the power of tequila._


	3. Chapter 3

I sat on the couch staring blankly at the wall as my mom pushed a plate full of food in front of me. I could hear her talking to me, but I didn't know what she was saying. I didn't want to know what she was saying. I heard Derek's name, and I tensed up again. I looked down at my hands as they shook violently.

"Casey, please talk to me." She finally shouted, startling me.

I cleared my throat, "Yeah?"

"Honey," She sighed, "Please. I wanna help you, but I can't if you don't let me in."

"I told you that I was fine. I am fine. It's just stress," I lied again, pushing the plate away from me.

She put her head in her hands, "Please eat."

"I told you I went to lunch before I came home," I said, exasperated, "I'm going to take a nap."

She tried to stop me, but I pushed past her and headed for my bedroom. I heard her sigh and start to clean up the kitchen. As soon as I reached my bedroom door, the tears started to fall again. My eyes burned as I tried to hold back. I knew that there was no way that I could live with Derek, not again. My hands started to shake again, and I desperately wanted to go back to the kitchen and grab my bottle of tequila of the counter. I stopped myself as my breathing got heavier. I knew that my mom would stop me anyway, so I decided not to try. I slid into my room and flung myself onto my bed. My eyes still stung from the tears begging to pour out of them. My body shook with the sobs that had washed over me. I started to hyperventilate at the thought of sleeping in a room next door to his. I had tried to avoid him for so long. I started to remember the last conversation we had again.

 _"Casey, can I talk to you?" He asked, his eyes filled with guilt._

 _I looked up, meeting his eyes. "Derek, there's nothing left to talk about. It's done. You did this. Don't try to take it back now."_

 _He put his face in his hands, "I love you."_

 _"You don't destroy people you love."_

I hadn't contacted Derek since that moment in time. Almost a year. Three weeks after Christmas break I had packed up my dorm room at Queens and moved to New York City. My family had been shocked with the sudden change in my motives. They had always assumed Derek would drop out way before I did. I told them that being on Broadway had always been my dream, so they agreed to use the money that would've gone to my college education to support me in New York. I was grateful for the move, and for the first couple of months everything seemed to be going really well for me. That was until I saw Derek's Facebook page. I told myself not to look because I knew that I would see something that I didn't want to see. It was why I had unfriended him in the first place. However, I had a few glasses of wine one night, and I decided to do it anyway. That was when I saw him with that bitch, Stella. The pain was almost unbearable. So, that night I decided to indulge myself with a few more glasses of wine. I realized that the alcohol numbed the pain. Not as much so as tequila, but enough to blur the images of Derek Venturi from burning into my mind. The sound of my mom's voice startled me. I heard her outside the door, but she wasn't talking to me. I assumed that she was on the phone. I jumped out of bed, and then I pressed my ear against the door.

"George, it's worse than we thought," She whispered, her voice cracking. "She's been drinking. A lot. When I told her that Derek was moving in, she shut down. There's something we don't know about between them. I was figuring it was the same old thing, but this is something really different. I don't know what to do. She won't talk to me. This isn't the Casey I know."

At that moment, I opened the door slowly and saw my mother standing at the end of the hallway. She was pacing back and forth. I started to feel guilty for making her worry so much. I wanted to tell my mom the truth, but I didn't know how. I was worried that she wasn't going to understand the situation. I was worried that she would be hurt or disappointed. I watched her continue to whisper to George, but I could no longer hear her. The sound of her muffled voice soothed me as I leaned against the door frame. I wanted to run after her and let her pull me into her arms, but I had refused human contact for so long that I was worried that it wouldn't feel right. All of a sudden, I caught a glimpse of myself in my dresser mirror. My hands started to shake as I looked at the reflection. My hair had grown thinner over the last few months. I knew that the stress of the last few months was causing it to fall out, but I usually refused to believe it. I was a lot thinner too. The curves of my hips had subsided. Now all that I could see was the bones jutting out of my skin. I closed my eyes quickly trying to avoid the mirror. I didn't like to look at myself anymore. I just wanted to be healthy again.

"Casey?" My mom called from down the hallway. She had noticed me standing in the doorway.

I swallowed, "Yeah, Mom?"

"Honey," She stepped toward me, concern on her face, "Did Derek do something to you at Queens? Something George and I should know about?"  
"Derek didn't do anything to me." I lied, avoiding her eyes.

She bit her lip, "I really wish that you felt like you could tell me what's hurting you, but I accept that you don't want to share it with me right now. I can go now if you'd like, but George and I will be back tomorrow afternoon to help Derek move in."

"Mom," I looked down, my heart heavy, "I'm really okay, alright? It's just been a rough year. I've been under a lot of stress. I'm sorry that I snapped at you. I didn't mean to. I promise that I'll be fine after the show starts."

"Okay, I'll believe for you right now," She agreed.

I sighed in relief, "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too Casey." She responded, pulling me into a hug.

She pulled away and headed back to the kitchen to retrieve her purse. I stayed frozen in the hallway as she headed out the door. My feet wanted to move toward the kitchen and rip open the full bottle of tequila on the counter. After careful deliberation, she sped toward the kitchen and pulled a glass from the cabinet. I watched the gold liquid spill out. I drank until the world faded away.

The phone ringing woke me from my slumber. I stumbled to living room, searching for my phone. I finally found it on the couch and picked it up without looking at the number.

"Hello?" I grumbled, still not fully sober nor awake.

I heard someone take a deep breathe, but they didn't say anything.

"Hello?" I said again, getting annoyed.

"Casey?" His voice filled my ears causing my hands to shake.

I gasped, "How did you get this number.

"Casey," He sighed, "Please. I need to talk to you. None of this was my idea. Nora said you were having problems-"

"Go to Hell, Derek," I hissed, slamming the phone back down on to the couch as I pressed the end button.

The tears poured from my blue eyes as I stood in the middle of the living room. I wished that the liquor store was open, but I glanced at the clock and noticed that it was almost four in the morning. I wondered what the hell he wanted in the first place. He was going to be moving in in a few hours anyway. I considered the possibility of calling him back, but I decided against it. I didn't want to hear anything he had to say anyway. I sat down on the couch as I tried to calm my body. My mind wandered back to the conversation I had with my mom earlier that day. I tried to think of what Derek had done to me. He'd changed me completely, but no guy had ever done that to me before. The pain that he caused me was the worst pain that I'd ever felt, and I still didn't completely understand why. I knew that I loved him, more than anyone that I'd ever been with before. But, maybe, I didn't really know what love was. Maybe, I fell in love with the idea of Derek rather than the actual person. Plus, the Derek I did fall in love with was just a façade that he had put on to win his stupid hockey bet. I didn't know the real Derek. I just knew what he wanted me to know to get me into bed. For the first time, I started to feel angry instead of sad. I wanted Derek to know what it felt like to hurt the way that I did after he broke my heart. I wanted to put him through everything that he had put me through. For the first time, I didn't want to fix myself, I wanted to get revenge.

I fell asleep that night, considering the ways that I could break Derek's heart. I kept telling myself that I shouldn't do it. I kept telling myself that stooping to his level was unnecessary. I should be the bigger person. I didn't want that though. I wanted to rip him apart the way he ripped me apart. I woke the next morning to the sound of someone talking in the other room. I recognized George's voice first. I slide into a more appropriate outfit and bounded down the hallway.

"George," I smiled, warmly as I entered the living room.

George looked at me, and I saw worry flash in his eyes, "Casey, how are you?"

"I'm fine." I lied.

"Good," He smiled awkwardly, "Derek should be here in a few minutes. Nora went to pick him up from the airport."

"Great," I nodded, trying not to let the sarcasm ooze through my voice to expressively.

"I'm sorry about the mess," He explained, pointing around the room, "We didn't realize Derek was bringing so much stuff. I didn't even know that he owned this much stuff."

I looked around my normally spotless living room and sighed at the piles of cardboard boxes. I almost walked out of the room, but then I saw George's exasperated and tired look.

I sighed, "Do you want some help?"

"Really?" His eyes light up, "That would be great!"

I nodded before ripping open a box near me and emptying the contents. A half an hour and seven boxes later, I heard the door swing open. My heart started to pound, and my hands were shaking so bad that I almost dropped the hockey trophy I was holding. I didn't turn around. I didn't want to see him.

"The plane is delayed," My mom announced as she slipped her shoes off.

I sighed in relief as I turned around, "Really?"

"For how long?" George groaned, putting his hand on his forehead.

She shrugged, "They don't know. Derek said just to help Casey get his stuff in here, and he'd take a cab over. If we don't go in an hour, we'll miss our flight."

So, George and my mom stayed for about an hour longer helping me unpack Derek's things. After they left, I ran across the street to the liquor store and purchased two more bottles of tequila. I knew that I would need them that night. I ordered Chinese food and watched Grey's Anatomy as I drank the tequila straight out of the bottle. When my vision was successfully blurred and my hands didn't shake anymore, I felt at peace once again. The show played on in front of me as I began to slip into my drunken slumber. I fell asleep on the couch without any visions of Derek floating through my mind.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up from my deep sleep, startled to find myself in my own bed. I tried to remember the events of the previous nights, but the alcohol had clouded my vision. The last thing that I remembered was falling asleep on the couch. I thought that maybe I had walked in here sometime during the night. I bolted up right when I remembered that Derek was supposed to arrive last night. I wondered for a second if he had carried me in here. I pushed the thought from my mind. Derek wouldn't do anything nice for me. I slipped into my dancing clothes and tiptoed out of my room. Nothing in the hallway gave me any indication of Derek's arrival, so I was a bit relieved. I passed the door of the room Derek would be sleeping in and listened for any sign of his normal snoring. I didn't hear anything. I let out another sigh of relief and headed to the living room to clean up the mess I had probably left from the night before. When I got there however, the tequila bottle and my glass were gone. The blanket I had been using had been folded and place neatly on the back of the couch. The television had been turned off, and the remote was placed in its usual spot on the coffee table. My heart started to beat a little faster as I realized there was no way that I had done all of this in my drunken slumber the night before. I raced in the kitchen still looking for Derek. There was no sign of him there either. The kitchen looked like I had left it the night before except a coffee machine now sat on my counter. I didn't drink coffee, and as far as I knew Derek couldn't stand the taste. I wondered what else had changed about him as I heard the front door swing open. I considered the possibility of sprinting back to my room or possibly hiding somewhere, but I knew that I would have to face him soon enough. I could hear him rummaging around by the door, and my hands started to shake. I begged for them to stop as I heard him coming toward the kitchen.

"Casey," He said as he approached the doorway.

I didn't want to turn around. I wanted to take off running, but my feet wouldn't move.

"Casey, are you okay?" I could tell by his shocked voice that he was surprised at the changes that had occurred in me as much as my mother and George were.

I turned to face him, "I'm fine." I mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

He took a step toward me, and I immediately stepped back. I saw a glimpse of pain flash in his eyes. It was brief, but it still surprised me. I wanted to say so many things. I wanted to yell, and to tell him all the things that I had wanted to tell him since last Christmas, but instead, I slid past him and made my way back to my room to grab my bag before heading to my choreography session with Marvin. He was doing one on ones this week.

"Wait," Derek called out, but I didn't. I just kept moving down the hallway. My hands were still shaking as I pushed open my bedroom door. I told myself not to cry. I told myself that everything was okay. I'd been telling myself that lie for so much time though that I knew it was an empty promise I kept making to myself. I wasn't fine. I might be fine one day, but I definitely wasn't fine then. I tried to gather myself as I searched for my workout bag. I hoped that dancing would help push the memory of the glimpse of pain that I say in his eyes out of my mind. I hoped that I would be able to make myself forget that maybe Derek did care. Maybe, he was truly sorry for hurting me. I stopped myself. There was no way that he was sorry. He knew exactly what he was doing to me when he did it. He was just an asshole like everyone told me. I considered skipping my session, but I didn't want to worry Marvin. He was a kind soul who was always concerned about everyone. When I left my room, Derek was nowhere to be found, although, his shoes still sat in front of the door.

"Casey! Darling, how are you?" Marvin smiled when I stepped into the studio.

I lied, "I'm great. How are you?"

"I'm fine," He answered, narrowing his eyes at me, "And you are lying."

I laughed nervously, "What? I'm good, Marvin."

"Please, you can't fool me. Your eyes are red. You look like you haven't slept for a week. You reek like alcohol. Casey, honey, you can tell me what's going on."

"My step-brother moved in last night, Derek. It's just been hectic," I responded, giving him a version of the truth.

He nodded, "I see. Do you two not get along?"

"Something like that," I grumbled, "But enough about my personal life, we need to get down to business."

Marvin looked at me carefully, "Okay, Casey. If that's what you want"

I smiled as we began practice. Dancing was the only other thing beside the alcohol that made my hands stop shaking. I danced for nearly two hours before Marvin called the practice to a close.

"You're doing very well," He remarked, "And, Casey, if you need to talk, please don't hesitate to call me."

I nodded, "Okay! Thanks."

I slipped out of the room and ran directly into Michael. He put his hands on my arms to steady me.

"Casey," He smiled, warmly, surprising me. I'd figured that whatever I told him that day at the bar had worried him.

I cleared my throat, "Michael, how are you? I'm so sorry about the other afternoon. That usually doesn't happen to me."

"It's fine," He said, "It happens to all of us when a big show is just around the corner. Take care of yourself alright. Let's get lunch tomorrow."

I nodded, but I knew that I probably wouldn't get lunch with him the next day. I walked out on to the street and decided to take a cab home. It was cold, and I was exhausted from practice. When the driver pulled up to my building, I was reluctant to get out. I paid the cab driver and slowly stepped out on to the sidewalk. I hoped that Derek wouldn't be home, but I had no such luck. He was sitting on the couch as I walked in the door. I tried to be quiet, but he turned around as soon as I shut the door.

"Casey! Can I please talk to you?" He begged, jumping up.

I sighed, "Derek, I still don't have anything to say to you. A year hasn't changed that."

"I know," He looked down, "But you never gave me a chance to explain."  
"Explain what? That you lied to me? That I was just part of your stupid bet? That you just wanted the guys on the hockey team to think you were hot shit? Trust me, Derek, I understand plenty." I spewed, my hands starting to shake.

"Casey," He begged again. "It wasn't like that."

I laughed bitterly, "Really? Because I'm pretty sure it was." With those words I headed to the kitchen. I could feel him behind me. I pulled down a glass for the cabinet and filled it with water.

"Why won't you let me talk to you? Why did you block my number? Why did you move to New York? We could've fixed this." He shouted, startling me.

"Fix this?" I asked, staring at him like he'd lost his mind, "There is no fixing this. I don't want to talk to you. Hopefully, this living situation is temporary because the thought of living with you makes me sick. Stay away from me, Derek."

I spun on my heel as he stood there in stunned silence. He didn't move for a few seconds before he stomped off to the living room. I looked down at my shaking hands as they itched to reach toward the bottle I'd hidden in the cabinet. I couldn't do it, though. Derek would hear me. Not that I really cared, but I didn't need him calling my mom or George. I considered taking the bottle to my room, but I didn't. I just stared at the wall above the sink. I heard Derek's footsteps again heading to the kitchen. He stopped short in the doorway.

"Casey, I'm sorry." He whispered, before disappearing down the hallway to his room.

The tears burned in my eyes as I stood there with my hands shaking. I tried to rinse my cup, but I ended up dropping it on the floor. The glass shattered around my feet, but I didn't make a move to clean it up. I stepped around the broken shards and slid to the floor in front of the oven. The sobs hit my body as I shook uncontrollably. I looked up and saw Derek standing in the doorway. He looked at me as he moved across the kitchen. He stopped in front of the glass and looked around for what I assumed was the broom. He came back a few seconds later and began to brush the pieces into the dustpan. I watched him as the tears still ran down my cheeks. When he was finished, he slid down on the floor next to me. He tried to reach over for me, but I scooted away.

"Casey." He sighed as he began, "I never meant to hurt you."

I shook my head, "Please, don't. You did, and there's nothing left to say."

"There is stuff left to say! Please, just hear me out. I love you." He pleaded.

My hands started to shake as I pushed my way back to my feet, "I hate you, Derek. I always will."


End file.
